14.10.09

Abah

If you click on my sister's blog, you'll know that today is my Abah birthday.

I have lots to write about him, but if I do so, I'll cry.

I know a simple birthday wish won't be enough. It should come along with paragraphs of writing to celebrate. Yet I couldn't find time to sit in front of my notebook and write. So I'll make it simple and precise, to express my thoughts on my Abah.

Here goes.

You will always be the man that I respect most and the one that I look up on. You shaped the man that I am today.


Happy Birthday Abah.

I love you.


From the boy who still kisses his father on his forehead and cheek, Angah.

11.10.09

I Didn't Do It On Purpose

To some people, RM 35 might not cost a thing.

To me, RM 35 costs everything.

You can't expect inviting someone for dinner amounting RM 35 and get replied with immediate or positive answer. Money to certain people is not a thing. But to the other people, it is everything.

And by saying no, it doesn't mean that I didn't want to go purposely.

8.9.09

I'm Not Ready For It

I'll never forget how it felt losing someone you dearly love.

I lost my grandmother over a year ago. And I still remembered the tears I shed on bidding her farewell. It hurt me too much to notice that I have lost somebody important in my life.

It was not easy to express that emotion during that time. I went back to Kota Bharu with troubled mind because I worried too much. And as I arrived at the hospital, I couldn't hold my tears and I cried looking at my dying grandmother as the doctors were trying their best to save her.

I cried and I regret not having the chance to tell her for one last time that I really love her. She died in my arms as I led her to perform the syahadah. It was a heart-beating moment for me, knowing that she was ready to go. And then, she went to meet the Creator.

And last Raya, as male family members and I have finished our Raya prayer and headed home, Adam of Hitz.FM were playing Mariah Carey's Bye-Bye, and again, my tears sheaded down my cheeck. I missed my grandmother so much and it was my first Raya with no phone call from Kajang to Kota Bharu, wishing my grandmother Raya wishes.

And I don't know what will happen to me if the same thing happen again to my parents. I'm not ready for it and I will never will, as I wish, it is me who will go first. It will hurt me too much to see myself being left by the two people I love most, and I don't know what am I going to do with everything when they are gone.

29.8.09

I Don't Deserve The 25th Hour

It has been years since I last updated this blog. I'm not practically busy since you can still see me here and there in campus. It's just that I don't really have a quality allocated time to write stuff. My bad. Plus, not really in the mood to blog. Sorry about that. Sometimes, I forgot that I have 5 blogs to run, and up to date, all these blogs were left abandoned. Again, my bad.

Basically I was busy with my studies and I have to run few things at the same time. I'm not really an organized person but I'm still trying to be one. It sucks not being able to attend two events at the same time, and I'm really sorry for not being able to attend weekly theater classes and some sort of neglecting my own theater family.

Everytime, I repeat, everytime people ask me to come to events like meetings and gatherings and I have to decline due to improper time, they said hurting words that ached my feelings. Do you think it was easy for me to say no everytime I have to decline an offer? No. It wasn't easy. But I knew that were consequences that I have to deal with when I said no. I just want people to accept the declination and understand that I wanted to go but I can't.

I don't want to complaint but as advised by others, I need to share my problems. I don't have problems and I'll start having one when you think that not having a problem is my problem. I admit that I worry too much all the time but I have learnt to prioritize. I have learnt to delegate task and I have learnt to trust people. By doing so, I don't want to be seen as someone who tried to let go of everything I am responsibled for but merely a process of sharing responsibilities before passing this batton to a successor whom soon I'll find trustworthy.

By the way, I had just realized that I don't really have a best friend in university. I just have a few good friends whom I reckon as my family. When I say that you are my family, I care about you too much. When you're not talking to me, or neglect me, or abandon me, I felt hurt. I tried to be a better Amiruddin Fadzli and I know it wouldn't satisfy everybody. Sometimes, you guys were being unfair to me. Don't you understand that you're all important to me and the least thing that you can do is talk to me and smile to me when you meet me? It sucked me up to see dull faces and heavy mouth everytime I see my family members around campus. Maybe it's because of fasting perhaps. Or maybe, it's just my thought that went overreacted.

Salam Ramadhan to my Senandika family, I miss you guys everyday and I wish I always have time for you. And happy fasting to everybody!

29.7.09

A Tribute To Yasmin Ahmad

When I first watched Rabun, I knew I'm going to fall in love with all her works.

I never knew her personally. But whenever I watched her films, I felt linked to her emotions as if she was telling her stories to me. She had never failed to steal my heart every time her babies came out. Starting with Petronas Independence Day and Hari Raya commercials to her controversial films like Sepet, Gubra, Mukhsin and Talentime, she unfolded many stories that made my neurons connected to figure out the hidden meanings. She was good at doing that. Telling Malaysians that we are skin-colour blinded and love is always the best thing that could happen to us.

When Rabun came out, it stole my heart. Though it was heavily crushed by critics, it failed to compramise my judgement on her works. I like her honesty with her bravery to reveal the truth about the Malaysian culture in her films. Her films were critically unaccepted but you can't help but liking all her masterpieces. She was the mother of Jason, Orked and Mukhsin, raising three talented actors that Malaysians have long waited to see. She was a great storyteller of her parents love life, through the story of Mak Inom and Pak Atan. She brought cheer to her film viewers with the character of Kak Yam. She was the one who told Malaysians not to be prejudice towards other races and religious matters, and not to be easily fooled by the skeptic assumptions and accusations. She was not just an ordinary storyteller, but an extraordinary teacher too.

And her movies were undeniablely the best that Malaysians have seen in the past few years. When Sepet was declared Best Movie in Malaysian Film Festival stepping aside the favourite Puteri Gunung Ledang, it caused stir in the movie industry but she stood for herself, giving reasons and evidences why Sepet deserved such recognition. She was unacceptedly discriminated by critics with her films but she was strong to fight the battle and winning it. She never put a limitation on her creativity and never knew the term "termination" when it comes to making films. And she is the the greatest filmmaker that Malaysia has ever had.

But last Monday, Malaysia grieved for the loss of its best filmmaker. She was attacked by stroke while presenting her paperwork in Seri Pentas and later on was admitted to hospital and died in the operation theater while the doctors were performing surgery to her brain. Her death shocked many Malaysians including me. I was one of those people who grieved for the death of Yasmin Ahmad. The best storyteller and the greatest filmmaker I have ever met in my life. Few weeks ago when I was watching Gubra, I was attacked by anticipation of her unrealesed project in Malaysia, Muallaf. And I was so eager to watch Sepet, Rabun and Mukhsin for God knows how many times I have watched it, and now, I knew that all happened for a reason.

Nobody can replace Yasmin Ahmad in the industry, and the death of Yasmin Ahmad is a great loss to the country. I'm sure God has better plans for her and we all have to accept that Yasmin Ahmad is gone.

She may be gone, but her love through her masterpieces remains with us.

Yasmin Ahmad, you left me with a quote that I will always remember for the rest of my life. This quote is taken from Gubra and it has taught me a lot.

"Why do hurt most, the ones we love the most?"

May God award eternal bless to your soul and place you among the people that He loves. In loving memory of Yasmin Ahmad, let us all pray for her peace in the afterlife.

Al-Fatihah.

18.7.09

Roti Canai


Years ago when we were all still kids, we used to love eating Roti Canai with sugar. It tasted sweet and we used to love the sweetness. Though Mum and Dad bought the Roti Canai with curry, we hated the curry and asked for sugar instead.

But now, things have changed. When someone around my age asked Roti Canai to be served with sugar, he got laughed instead. He said to be immature and childish for asking such thing while years ago when he did the same thing, nobody seemed to question it.

So I asked myself, is it wrong to eat Roti Canai with sugar at the age of 21 when I think it is best served with sugar? Why do we have to be so judgemental with people's choices in life? Do we have to question it and pretend like we care?

And I got laughed doing things that I want, like eating Roti Canai with sugar. And I told myself not to care about it. And you should do the same too.

12.7.09

44 Hours On Road

I thought of going on vacation weeks ago, but looking at my financial status, I knew the idea was impossible.

Last two days, my theater family and I was on road for 44 hours, having our hang-out moment watching theater performances in Kuala Lumpur and Penang.

It was superb! And all the praises go with it.

Having stuck with these people for 44 hours, I had real fun with these people. Real fun.

Whoever said I was wasting my time all these while with theater and the theater people must have gotten his life isolated from fun, pleasure and happiness. You were totally wrong dude! Shame on you.

Hahaha!

8.7.09

Lesson Learnt

It has been almost a month since I last posted an entry in this blog. Sometimes, I even forget that I have few blogs to run.

Nothing much happened to me except the fact that I am a third year student now and I'm half way in finishing my degree course. And I know these upcoming semesters will hurt a lot but the show must go on right?

The last two months were mentally tiring for me. And I did learnt few things from the mistakes I did.

Number one: Don't make assumptions on something that you don't know and by saying that you don't know, the one thing that you need to do is to ask people around to you will have better understanding on something.

Number two: When you are leading a society or a group, you have to ignore all your principles in life so that you will not encounter contradictions that may force you to take irrational actions towards your colleagues and members. You have to be diplomatic and approachable. You cannot take sides and you have to hear from both sides before making any conclusions and actions. And for anything happens, the blames will indirectly go to you but you have to be wise in correcting things so that the scenario will not get worsen and intelligently tackled.

Number three: Don't let your emotion cloud your senses. And don't jump to fast and short-term conclusions because once you have taken the action and you found out that the action taken was inappropriate, you might regret your judgement and people will lose their respect on you.

And it is never too late to correct things up. I believe in that. Maybe it just take few moment for all of us to figure out a way of getting out from this whole mess.

And now, lesson learnt.

8.6.09

Reason Why


Today's the day my life begins
All my life I've been just me
Just smart-mouth kid
Today I become a man
Today I become a husband
Today I become accountable to someone other than myself
Today I become accountable to you
To our future
To all the possibilities that our marriage has to offer
Together, no matter what happens
I'll be ready for anything, for everything
To take on life
To take on love
To take on possibility and responsibility
Today Isobel Catherine Stevens, our life together begins
And I for one can't wait

-Alexander Michael Karev, What A Difference A Day Makes, Grey's Anatomy Season 5

THIS IS WHY IZZIE STEVENS YOU CAN'T DIE!

Are You Ready For The Lesson?



Tarikh The Lesson:
25 Jun 2009

Masa Pra-The Lesson:
8.00 pagi

Masa The Lesson:
11.00 pagi

Tempat The Lesson:
Auditorium Taman Budaya Negeri Pahang

"JAGA-JAGA! INI BUKAN KELAS BIASA!"